Everything I do takes longer than I expect it to. I sit down to do a few edits on a podcast, an hour goes by. I decide to make a short little video clip for Instagram, 2 hours go by. I go to edit a vlog for YouTube and I lose 4 hours. The next thing I know, it’s 10pm and I’m sitting down to write something on Medium, which of course, “will only take a few minutes.”
I start getting anxoius on nights like this, always feeling behind; like I’m going to run out of time. My jaw gets tense, usually my heart rate jumps up to about 130 and all over some manufactured sense of urgency.
What am I rushing for? The only thing waiting me on the other side of all this stuff is a television and some tea, (maybe some Bloons Tower Defense.) Where along the way did I forget that all this stuff I’m trying finish faster is the stuff I’m supposed to be enjoying? When did it start mattering whether I published a post, a podcast, a blog and a vlog all on the same day — a Friday night when everyone is looking at a beer tap or a movie screen, not their phones?
It seems kinda of silly when I type it out like that and look at it. I need my passions to be passionate again — not some content that I’m pushing out to meet some imagined deadline.